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You can say that again!

 
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Posted by on October 28, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Happy Pornified Halloween!

Before I get on topic, just to say – I woke up to a bit of a surprise this morning in seeing how much traffic the blog had gotten. Hi everyone who found me! I think it’s because of a ping back on Twisties blog “I blame the Patriarchy” because I blogged about one of her recent articles. I was even more thrilled to see all the comments awaiting me from incredibly supportive women. Thank you for that – it made my day. Because of others finding me and getting involved by commenting, I thought it would be good to add an addendum to my “about” page with regard to my readers/commenter. Find it here.

So – without further ado:

Halloween! What the fuck are people thinking?!

I was in a waiting room on Monday and this Good Morning type show came on. They had a selection of costumes to give you an idea of what to dress up as for Halloween. Now I like Halloween, but I will be the first to admit I avoid the horror aspects of the celebrations because I am too damn sensitive lol. But I do love the harvest and that ties in with Halloween, and I do love the creativity behind the decorations and costumes.

Yanno what I don’t fucking love? How long have I been in a bubble that it’s suddenly cool to pornify kids at halloween? First of all, when I was a kid we went out every year. I was a duck, an elephant, a clown, a witch complete with green face and long crooked warty nose.

It was bad enough that the adult women on this show were both a SEXY vampire and a SEXY pumpkin (it takes great skill to sexify a pumpkin), and the men folk got to have a full tracksuit skeleton costume and a fully clothed Joker costume. But to see little girls walk out in skin tight, low cut witches costumes? PLAY BOY BUNNY COSTUMES? Are you fucking kidding me? I mean that’s not even pornifying, THATS JUST PORN!

I actually don’t even know what to say about this, I am still in a daze from it. I know it’s important to the patriarchy to train up a child in the way they should go and instill the importance of being fuckable and available at all times, but this is just…. We’re talking 6 year olds. I mean I thought all the barbie princess bullshit was bad but it’s like that wasn’t quite good enough – apparently disney princesses still have some level of respect and expectation?

Who knows.

I guess in this post modern day the patriarchy has to work extra hard to keep females available and fuckable. I mean this post is almost redundant aside from me just being shocked – there is lingerie for small girls now, thongs, women tear their pubic hair out by the roots to keep that prepubescent look. And we wonder why pedophilia runs rampant.

WAY TO RUIN A HOLIDAY, PATRIARCHY!

 
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Posted by on October 28, 2011 in The Patriarchy

 

You’re a sexpozzy? How very privileged of you!

I was over at I Blame The Patriarchy reading this article when I felt a flood of relief and gratitude because she had managed to put words to something I have been silently railing against.

“Too often, it’s only when a woman ages out of pornosity, and is too old to do anything but take pictures of cows, that she discovers what the world really thinks of her.”

Except for me? It’s different. You see, as a fat tom boy of a woman I never really HAD the choice about whether or not to play by the patriarchies rules and play the feminine role. I mean sure, fatties can be feminine, I am not arguing that. But me? No.

You see I feel more comfortable in baggy farm clothes, barefoot in my garden, being sweaty, dirty and productive then I ever did wearing that god awful smelly make up that clogs your pores and rubs off every fucking time you touch your face. Or spending time that I could be DOING stuff standing there like an idiot trying to make my hair look… good? Or spending my hard earned money on clothes that somehow MAGICALLY hide that stomach roll of mine.

So you see, I never really got to play my role in the patriarchy in terms of being feminine (and the few times I tried are marked in my mind as the times I was harassed by creepy older men). And the less I am even willing to pretend or fake it, the more rejected I feel on a day to day basis. Usually by men. Sure they love being friends, but dating? HAH!

So reading the sentence “discovers what the world really thinks of her.”? Yeah. I am finding out. And yanno what? It’s pretty much soul destroying. And no pep talks about how someone will appreciate me for me. I fucking doubt it. And in the mean time? Constant fucking rejection.

So what do you do? My filter is dead and gone. I have no more fucking patience for bullshit and games. I am just NOT fucking interested. I am supposed to hate my fat body because it doesn’t enable me to play feminine to the exacting standard of the patriarchy and yet my fat body is mine and its strong and it gets shit done.

But still, I fucking ask, WHAT NOW? Do I, because I don’t play my role, just get used to the idea of being alone and never fulfilling a want of my heart because the system we live in dictates that? Fuck.

And another thing? Sexpozzies? Fuck off. How stupid is this. You think reclaiming sexy empowers you? Sexy is a tool of the patriarchy. Thats like a slave claiming empowerment over taking back slavery while still being a fucking slave.

*Throws hands up in utter frustrations and walks off*

 
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Posted by on October 23, 2011 in The Patriarchy

 

In which a socialization rant and epiphany collide

The other day I was reading a cracked article about stupid shit Romcoms need to stop “teaching” the general public when a light bulb went off in my head. Here’s the quote and pay attention to the bold:

#4. Not Being Able to Function Socially Makes Someone Attractive and Interesting

The Thing:”If she’s a wide-eyed, crazy, eccentric free-spirit, then she’s actually just the gal you need to straighten your entire life out, man! Bursting out in song in the middle of dinner and not knowing how things work makes a person attractive!”

Worst Offenders:The New Girl,Garden State.

This trope has been around so long that it’s actually been given a name. Film critic Nathan Rabin calls it the Manic Pixie Dream Girl character and describes it as “that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.” It’s any chick in a movie who is more style than substance, and whose free-spiritedness and unconventional approach to life is meant to cover up for her general inability to function socially. And and it’s insulting to both genders.

Zooey Deschanel’s character in The New Girl is probably the clearest example of this right now, as that entire show is based around how quirky and eccentric and, as a result, lovable, Zooey’s character (I think her name is “Eyeface”) is. Except she’s not so much “eccentric” as much as she is “bad at being alive and functioning socially, in the present.” One of her main conflicts in the pilot is that she has a date at a fancy restaurant, but doesn’t know what to wear so she puts on overalls! Classic Eyeface! And one of the male characters on the show goes goofy-eyed and clearly starts falling in love with her instead of, say, yelling, “You’re 27 years old, how do you not know how to dress and function yet? Get your shit together.”

It needs to stop because guys shouldn’t live their lives expecting a woman like this to exist. No guy should be waiting around for a quirky, blue-haired, horn-rimmed-glasses-wearing chick to show up and fix his entire life, because what woman would want to deal with that expectation and level of pressure?

It also needs to stop because I don’t want wide-eyed gals to think they need to act like vapid morons to attract guys. Because I’m an average, twenty-something male in 2011 America, I’ve developed a pop-culture induced soft spot for pale chicks with giant eyes and bangs

And, unfortunately, Hollywood is trying to convince women who look like this that being brainless goofballs who don’t understand how life works is an appealing personality type, and I just can’t let that stand.

Hollywood is still teaching women that “dumb” is “attractive,” they’re just hipsterfying it. I don’t know when it happened (maybe after Clueless?), but sometime after the ’90s, “Quirky Eccentric Weird Chick” became the new Bimbo. She’s just as insultingly one-dimensional as the archetypal Ditsy Blonde Bombshell Valley Girl character that was all over the place a decade ago, except now she wears vintage knee-socks and listens to The Smiths, and that’s supposed to be better, for some reason.”

 Link to original article

Ignoring the condescending tone of the article and light bulb having gone off it got me thinking. It got me thinking that in the last decade as this trope invaded all those silly light hearted romcoms, it’s dug it’s insidious fucking claws into my life in two ways. One being me playing this role to attract men and two men looking for these attributes in a woman so while initially attracted to the silly free spirited pixie they think they have found, when they get to know you all bets are off, because finding the independent, strong, fierce personality underneath that expects you to be a grown capable fucking adult is enough to deflate the biggest fucking hard-on.

This has happened to me repeatedly. And every time I am standing in the dust of a collapsed relationship, thinking what the fuck just happened… whiiiiile pretty much being aware of the fact that at some point, I wasn’t playing my role well enough and scared the stupid fuck off.

Which brings me to the here and now. So there’s this guy. He’s cool, smart, funny, etc. I like him. I could see myself crushing on him and get the occasional squee giddy crush moment. But I am older and wiser and it’s not consuming my god damn life. So I have perspective – I can step back and observe my socialization at work in bonding with this guy. And yanno what I saw? Me starting to play this fucking role again. Portraying myself as this quirky, cute, eccentric gentle hippy out in the country side growing purdy flowers, being the soft gentle Mum nurturing her child despite hardships.

Sounds enticing and sweet right?

Except for all the eccentricity and cuteness you find in me? I am also a fucking cynical cunt who is so shit sick of the status quo, the patriarchy and mainstream society that I opted the fuck out and now hide on my hill surrounding myself with like minded people because I am FUCKING FED UP. I am angry, I am disenfranchised, I am loud and up in my ever so cute little garden, I am usually covered in sweat, mud, chicken shit and yelling at the dog to quit chasing the fucking chickens. Have I mentioned the cynicism? Swearing? Hairy arm pits? And bad fucking temper? What about the fact that I am fat? No? I guess that doesn’t fit into the fucking trope I was socialized into.

I also expect men to fucking take care of themselves. And yet?

I invited this lad up to the house and my first concern was what will I cook for dinner and is my house clean?

I might be flat fucking broke, unable to afford feeding him and so exhausted by my very real health issues that after doing all these wonderful things to fulfill my role that I am trained to play, the next fucking day I will be in bed, sore, unable to do much besides take care of the basics.

But hey! I played my role! I ensured I fluttered around, made myself as attractive as possible and lured the peen bearer to me JUST SO without giving away the truth lurking behind of who I am which might scare him away.

This is what society and my family has taught me. This is how I function now. Except I refuse, and watch how fun THAT’S going to be.

No wonder I want a fucking flame thrower for Christmas.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on October 22, 2011 in Female Socialization

 

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A womans highest calling is serving her family…

Fuck you, it is.

First of all this kind of stupid mentality pre-supposes a proverbial fuck ton of stuff. That she WILL have a family, that she will be HAPPY having a family and that serving said family is the ultimate fulfillment. That’s not even touching on the fact that it flat out declares that there is NOTHING better in life a cunt bearer could do then use her cunt. To fuck her husband, to birth her children, and then serve both.

Again with the fuck you.

And yet, this message is bludgeoned into women from the word go. Pink wee dollies all dressed in frills gifted on special occasions to the cooes and awws of family pushing her to nurture the plastic princess to gain adoring glances and much sought after approval. Wee kitchens color themed in feminized colors like pink, white and purple. Awww look! An e z bake oven to train you that slaving away over food isn’t work! It’s FUN!

Do I need to reiterate the fuck you? No? You with me?

I was driving home today and thinking about what a shock it’s been to realize how much happier I am outside of a traditional family unit with my daughter. And how much I struggle with feeling like I failed by not being in a hetero family centric situation with another womb sprog on the way. There is nothing in my life to indicate I failed – my child is incredibly happy, easy going, creative, smart and enjoyable. I am happiest alone or in her company, working on various projects around the house and doing my art. So what the fuck of this situation indicates a failure at life? Nothing.

Except female socialization. That a womans highest calling is have dinner on the table when her man gets home from a hard days work. That perfectly ironed clothing and matching outfits and numerous happy smiling well behaved children quantify her worth. And if she IS to work outside the home, god forbid anything at home suffers or she slacks off there, effectively doubling her workload. It’s just fucking ludicrous when you stop and muse on it a moment.

I like a clean house but I fucking hate cleaning. I am a damn good cook and loath doing dishes. In fact I would rather shovel chicken shit outside in the rain then be within ten feet of a sink full of dishes. I regularly ignore chores to build things in my garden or work on art projects. Some nights we eat popcorn, apples and yogurt for dinner because there are more interesting things to do then slave over a meal. It’s food. It’s filling. It’s meeting your nutritional needs, now lets go DO stuff.

And yet this nagging feeling of doing it wrong lingers.

But it’s cool. I can say fuck you as many times as I need to.

 
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Posted by on October 5, 2011 in Female Socialization, House keeping

 

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Play your role! – Dating

The one thing I have come to realize is that in society, in many situations, we cunt bearers have roles to play. You know what I mean – the perfect Mum, the caring girlfriend, the efficient secretary. Whatever. They aren’t the best examples but fuck it, read on and you will understand what I mean.

Who am I as a person on a day to day basis? I am an extreme introvert. I laugh easily but only at things that actually amuse me. I am quiet, reserved, thoughtful and tend to keep my mouth shut and my eyes open because I am, if nothing else, an observer. I definitely do not open up to just anyone.

But. I am well trained. Put a human being with a cock in front of me that is of suitable quality to consider dating and it’s like a switch is flipped. Barbie mode is engaged and away we go. Suddenly every retarded thing that comes out of their mouth is hilarious. I open up about shit I rarely talk about with anyone in a bid to prove myself interesting and worth getting to know. If it’s online I feign cuteness with absurd emoticons like “:3” which is what? A fucking cat face? I mean yeah it’s amusing and all but it’s not something I do when talking to any other single human being except potential dating material, and only ones with cocks at that. For some reason when talking with women I find attractive and would date, I do not devolve into mindless giggling Barbie mode. I also fake happy when in a grump, which happens on an often enough basis, laugh when I would rather they shut up so I can concentrate on something that actually interests me, and find myself lauding them with false praise for being able to do simple shit I learned when I was 11 – like cook and clean up after themselves.

Fucking what?

Yanno what this is? Fucking female socialization. And I am so incredibly fucking sick of falling prey to it. Not only do I NOT want a relationship right now, I am not even sure I am in the right mind space to HAVE one after escaping an abusive marriage and subsequent mind fuck relationship that lasted the better (worse) part of two years.

And yet? The switch gets flipped, the behavior switch happens instantaneously and I sit in my head watching myself going what the fuck just happened, what is going on, why am I DOING this?

Socialization is a powerful thing. In fact I am aware of this shit and haven’t been able to stop it yet. In fact I think that is why I am writing this blog. Because I can SEE all of these fucked up things and I need them acknowledged. I need to write about it. I need to dissect it and maybe in the process severe some fucking arteries and hope it all dies.

Because fuck living in this prison called female socialization.

Do you fall into this too? Lets talk. Comment below.

Much love,
Tafff’y

 
6 Comments

Posted by on October 2, 2011 in Dating, Female Socialization

 

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Boom

Why hello!

Bear with me. I am in the midst of creating a blog that cuts through the bullshit, discusses a myriad of issues bluntly and indulges my need to waffle on in print.

There’ll be an about page and a contact me page soon.

Enjoy your stay : )

~Tafff’y

 
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Posted by on October 1, 2011 in Uncategorized