Before I get on topic, just to say – I woke up to a bit of a surprise this morning in seeing how much traffic the blog had gotten. Hi everyone who found me! I think it’s because of a ping back on Twisties blog “I blame the Patriarchy” because I blogged about one of her recent articles. I was even more thrilled to see all the comments awaiting me from incredibly supportive women. Thank you for that – it made my day. Because of others finding me and getting involved by commenting, I thought it would be good to add an addendum to my “about” page with regard to my readers/commenter. Find it here.
So – without further ado:
Halloween! What the fuck are people thinking?!
I was in a waiting room on Monday and this Good Morning type show came on. They had a selection of costumes to give you an idea of what to dress up as for Halloween. Now I like Halloween, but I will be the first to admit I avoid the horror aspects of the celebrations because I am too damn sensitive lol. But I do love the harvest and that ties in with Halloween, and I do love the creativity behind the decorations and costumes.
Yanno what I don’t fucking love? How long have I been in a bubble that it’s suddenly cool to pornify kids at halloween? First of all, when I was a kid we went out every year. I was a duck, an elephant, a clown, a witch complete with green face and long crooked warty nose.
It was bad enough that the adult women on this show were both a SEXY vampire and a SEXY pumpkin (it takes great skill to sexify a pumpkin), and the men folk got to have a full tracksuit skeleton costume and a fully clothed Joker costume. But to see little girls walk out in skin tight, low cut witches costumes? PLAY BOY BUNNY COSTUMES? Are you fucking kidding me? I mean that’s not even pornifying, THATS JUST PORN!
I actually don’t even know what to say about this, I am still in a daze from it. I know it’s important to the patriarchy to train up a child in the way they should go and instill the importance of being fuckable and available at all times, but this is just…. We’re talking 6 year olds. I mean I thought all the barbie princess bullshit was bad but it’s like that wasn’t quite good enough – apparently disney princesses still have some level of respect and expectation?
I guess in this post modern day the patriarchy has to work extra hard to keep females available and fuckable. I mean this post is almost redundant aside from me just being shocked – there is lingerie for small girls now, thongs, women tear their pubic hair out by the roots to keep that prepubescent look. And we wonder why pedophilia runs rampant.
WAY TO RUIN A HOLIDAY, PATRIARCHY!
I was over at I Blame The Patriarchy reading this article when I felt a flood of relief and gratitude because she had managed to put words to something I have been silently railing against.
“Too often, it’s only when a woman ages out of pornosity, and is too old to do anything but take pictures of cows, that she discovers what the world really thinks of her.”
Except for me? It’s different. You see, as a fat tom boy of a woman I never really HAD the choice about whether or not to play by the patriarchies rules and play the feminine role. I mean sure, fatties can be feminine, I am not arguing that. But me? No.
You see I feel more comfortable in baggy farm clothes, barefoot in my garden, being sweaty, dirty and productive then I ever did wearing that god awful smelly make up that clogs your pores and rubs off every fucking time you touch your face. Or spending time that I could be DOING stuff standing there like an idiot trying to make my hair look… good? Or spending my hard earned money on clothes that somehow MAGICALLY hide that stomach roll of mine.
So you see, I never really got to play my role in the patriarchy in terms of being feminine (and the few times I tried are marked in my mind as the times I was harassed by creepy older men). And the less I am even willing to pretend or fake it, the more rejected I feel on a day to day basis. Usually by men. Sure they love being friends, but dating? HAH!
So reading the sentence “discovers what the world really thinks of her.”? Yeah. I am finding out. And yanno what? It’s pretty much soul destroying. And no pep talks about how someone will appreciate me for me. I fucking doubt it. And in the mean time? Constant fucking rejection.
So what do you do? My filter is dead and gone. I have no more fucking patience for bullshit and games. I am just NOT fucking interested. I am supposed to hate my fat body because it doesn’t enable me to play feminine to the exacting standard of the patriarchy and yet my fat body is mine and its strong and it gets shit done.
But still, I fucking ask, WHAT NOW? Do I, because I don’t play my role, just get used to the idea of being alone and never fulfilling a want of my heart because the system we live in dictates that? Fuck.
And another thing? Sexpozzies? Fuck off. How stupid is this. You think reclaiming sexy empowers you? Sexy is a tool of the patriarchy. Thats like a slave claiming empowerment over taking back slavery while still being a fucking slave.
*Throws hands up in utter frustrations and walks off*